Holding Jessie's Hand

Last Wednesday, I walked across the TC3 campus holding hands with a girl who is in my Creative Writing class. I have no idea if people were looking at us, but it was definitely a unique feeling to know that I was doing something unusual even for me (and you know that if it's unusual for me, it's definitely unusual for the general population).

Holding hands with Jessie was a spontaneous moment of friendly affection, and my remark at the time was "If we were doing this in Europe, it would be totally normal." The excited/nervous feeling I had came not from who I was holding hands with, but rather from the knowledge that by holding hands, Jessie and I were challenging all sorts of stereotypes and preconceptions. I sure didn't get that feeling when I walked around Brooklyn holding hands with my friend Adam.

Who says that two people of the same sex who identify as heterosexual (or bisexual, in Jessie's case) can't hold hands in public? This feature of American culture has been bothering me lately. Any of the people who saw me walking hand-in-hand with Jessie who have no prior knowledge of either of us likely assumed that we were in a romantic relationship; I've made the same assumption myself about others. I think that it is becoming more acceptable, even in middle-of-nowhere Central New York, for same-sex couples to hold hands in public, but doing so automatically "outs" them to everyone who sees.

I've said many times that people are free to believe whatever they want about me. It doesn't bother me that anyone who saw me holding hands with Jessie might assume that she and I are lesbian; what bothers me is that such an assumption is still uncomfortable or unsafe for so many people.

Stereotypes were challenged all the time at Simon's Rock: a male student could wear a skirt and no one would blink or assume him to be gay unless he was known to be (and if he was, so be it. People were supportive and accepting in any case). If I had walked around the Simon's Rock campus holding hands with Jessie, it wouldn't have been an unusual event, and I was acutely aware of this last Wednesday. This contrast made me miss Simon's Rock on the one hand, and wish that the rest of the world was more tolerant on the other hand. If a little friendly hand-holding on my part makes any kind of difference at all, even if that difference is just for me and my friends, I'll be doing more of it.